The FA strongly hinted today that Tottenham manager Harry Redknapp will become England coach in 2012, saying it was “determined to find a Droopy Dog lookalike” to succeed Fabio Capello.
“Harry is a great manager,” said the FA’s general secretary Alex Horne. “He’s achieved great results at Spurs, and he has that adorable hang-dog expression.”
Horne said that previous European managers Capello and Sven Goran Eriksson had serious, commanding visages which were right for the job at the time. “But we acknowledge that now the English public wants its national team to be led by a lovably jowly Englishman, and I would expect Harry to make the longlist,” he said. “It may not be a very long longlist.”
In the wake of England’s World Cup humiliation in South Africa, Club England’s managing director Adrian Bevington suggested the next manager “should be English”. Bevington also said the successful candidate “may not look up to much”, but could outwit his enemies, and if finally roused to anger, could beat adversaries twice his size in a comical thrashing.
While Horne insisted no decision had been reached, other Premiership managers thought to be contenders acknowledged they were tacitly being struck off the list. Chelsea’s Carlo Ancelotti yesterday told a press conference: “I am Italian, which at other times might have helped boost England’s chances. But with this well-preserved Mediterranean complexion and my handsome, silver hair, I understand I am not right for the position.”
Meanwhile Blackburn’s Sam Allardyce, on being told of Horne’s comments, reportedly turned to cameras, shrugged melancholically and said “oh, no, no, no, no.”