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Man spending night in with bottle of whisky just calls to say hi

Dave That guy you went out with a couple of years ago is just wondering how things are  going with you, your answerphone has revealed.

“Oh, hey,” said a slurring Peter Hobson into your machine at around midnight on  Friday. “How’s it going? It’s been ages, so I just thought I’d call for a catch up.”

After you broke off your 18-month-long relationship with Hobson in 2006, you met again a couple of times - but contact between you dwindled as you juggled your busy job and new boyfriend.

“Things are going pretty well for me,” reported Hobson, 30, the sound of ice cubes  sloshing in a glass faintly audible in the background. “Still in the same job, but I  should be getting promoted soon. So that’s good.”

“I guess you’re out with mates,” he continued. “I’m just having a quiet one, but that’s cool, because things are generally pretty busy here.” A near-empty bottle could  then be heard clunking down on a table.

For the next three minutes Hobson reported, with unconvincing optimism, news of the correspondence course in sociology he had begun, as well as his travel plans for the coming year. He repeatedly expressed a keenness to hear about what you’ve been up to.

He also haltingly enquired about how things were with James.

After a protracted silence punctuated only by the sound of late night TV, Hobson rang off, claiming he was “pretty sure the doorbell just went.” Before doing so he once again said he hoped things were well with you, and you should give him a call some time.

“Look, I just wanted to say I –“ he concluded, just as your machine cut him off.